Italics
by smokingace
Summary: Lavi talks to Kanda on instant messenger and just can't seem to win. High School AU series.


**Title:**_Italics_

**Pairing:**Lavi/Kanda, Allen, Tiki, Cross

**Rating:**R for language and sexuality

**Disclaimer:**DGM belongs to Hoshino Katsura et al

**A/N:**High School AU; partly cowritten with cesia on LJ.

&

[Friday]

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (6:35 PM)

**thebookthief**: MUNCH MUNCH

**thebookthief**: YUUUUU

**thebookthief**: I'M MUNCHING AND YOU'RE NOT PAYIN ATTENTION

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....why would I pay attention to that on AIM?

**thebookthief**: cuz it's what i'm munching on. YUU.

**thebookthief**: D:

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....on AIM.

**kanda_not_yuu**: tch.

**thebookthief**: yes. this is highly probable.

**thebookthief**: and possible. cuz i have made it so.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you're an idiot.

**thebookthief**: an idiot that you macked on last night. ohoooo~

**kanda_not_yuu**: stfu

**thebookthief**: why~

**thebookthief**: ARE YOU IN DENIAL AGAIN

**kanda_not_yuu**: because you don't make sense and you're annoying

**thebookthief**: hey, i make sense of the word sense

**thebookthief**: don't knock it

**thebookthief**: but you can knock me all ya want~

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**kanda_not_yuu**: i don't get you

**thebookthief**: so yeah, uh, come over

**thebookthief**: i'm kinda bored, gramps is out doing what old guys do, and i have nobody to play with.

**kanda_not_yuu**: i'm not your playmate

**thebookthief**: UNLESS YOU'RE GONNA FALL ASLEEP ON ME AGAIN -

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....I just might

**thebookthief**: whatcha taaalking about. you'll always be my playmate.

**thebookthief**: btw, i'm sorry i ripped your sweater.

**thebookthief**: bring that over so i can fix it for ya.

**thebookthief**: er, honest.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ................._what._

**thebookthief**: errrr

**kanda_not_yuu**: Why do you have it in the first place?!

**thebookthief**: i kinda ripped it last night, i just didn't say

**thebookthief**: but hey, it's your fault, if it makes things easier for you

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: honest

**kanda_not_yuu**: You piece of---

**thebookthief**: *n*!

**kanda_not_yuu**: No, YOU get HERE and fix it. THIS INSTANT.

**thebookthief**: okay. i'll bring snacks.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you get any on my floor and you'll clean it up. _on your own_.

**thebookthief**: can i use your greatest sewing kit known to mankind?

**thebookthief**: the one we must never speak of~

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**thebookthief**: okay okayyyy i won't get jizz on your floor again -

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...............................

**kanda_not_yuu**: WOULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT THOSE THINGS IN CHAT. I _hate_ that word.

**thebookthief**: WHY

**thebookthief**: DO WE HAVE AN AUDIENCE

**thebookthief**: DO YA WANT ONE :D?

**kanda_not_yuu**: JUST BECA-- NO

**thebookthief**: SRSLY

**thebookthief**: cuz allen is over here. and he won't leave.

**thebookthief**: he keeps readin over my shoulder.

**kanda_not_yuu**: then i'm not going over there

**thebookthief**: nono, i'm going over THERE

**thebookthief**: allen's goin home RIGHT NOW

**kanda_not_yuu**: tch

**thebookthief**: he's just an annoying beanie. a beanie bunny. a bunny bean. er, which sounds better? a beanie baby?

**kanda_not_yuu**: …

**thebookthief**: he says he is very privy to the ways of wily men

**thebookthief**: i'm... not exactly SURE i follow, but ya know

**kanda_not_yuu**: i _don't care_ what he says

**thebookthief**: oho he sure cares what YOU say~

**thebookthief**: he says that he will tell all the girls in school so that they will stop flocking to you like pigeons. you scare them off anyway.

**kanda_not_yuu is away**(6:49 PM)

CAN'T YOU READ YOU PUNKASS BOOKWORM

**thebookthief**: DDD:

**kanda_not_yuu is away**(6:50 PM)

CAN'T YOU READ YOU PUNKASS BOOKWORM

**thebookthief**: quoting lily allen, kanda! _it's not fair, and i think you're really mean!!!_ (it's me allen btw!)

**kanda_not_yuu is away**(6:52 PM)

CAN'T YOU READ YOU PUNKASS BOOKWORM

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (6:57 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...tell them about _what?_

**thebookthief**: er. wut.

**thebookthief**: DON'T CONFUSE ME LIKE THAT YUU

**thebookthief**: YOU'LL GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK YOU WILL

**kanda_not_yuu**: what

**kanda_not_yuu**: I don't know what the hell you're going on about!

**thebookthief**: i forgot! i'm supposed to COME over. whoops.

**thebookthief**: allen's got my attention all to himself~ it looks like i'll be spendin the week with him again.

**kanda_not_yuu**: good. Leave me be.

**thebookthief**: didja fix your sweater yet?

**kanda_not_yuu**: No, because YOU'RE going to do that

**thebookthief**: and howww do ya want me to do that?

**thebookthief**: btw i'm REVISING this so allen won't get the bestest idea~

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: you know.

**kanda_not_yuu**: what

**thebookthief**: YOU KNOW.

**thebookthief**: HEY I'M SUPPOSED TO BE COMIN OVER I FORGOT AAHAHHHHH I'M SUCH A FREAK

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....idiot

**thebookthief**: allen brought over those rum candies

**thebookthief**: he says he got them from charity

**kanda_not_yuu**: i don't care

**thebookthief**: but i am thiiiinking he stole them from some unsuspecting lady. or cross.

**kanda_not_yuu**: like hell

**thebookthief**: want some? he says i can take the rest -

**kanda_not_yuu**: haha--- no

**thebookthief**: yuu. did YOU already have some rum candies?

**kanda_not_yuu**: of course not, you idiot.

**thebookthief**: LIES

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: OKAY SEE YA IN A FEW :DDDD hey wait, i needja to come pick me up.

**kanda_not_yuu**: why'

**thebookthief**: er, cuz it's dark out. and i don't wanna get molested

**thebookthief**: only YOU can do that. D:

**kanda_not_yuu**: ............

**thebookthief**: sigh. and allennnn.

**thebookthief**: pffff

**thebookthief**: you need to drop him off

**thebookthief**: he says pretty pls.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you can get here on your own. YOU HAVE FEET, YOU MORON.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**kanda_not_yuu**: why do i have to

**kanda_not_yuu**: _get your own damn car for once_

**thebookthief**: because he says he doesn't wanna lose his innocence~ just yet.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....i don't care about his "innocence"

**thebookthief**: oh you don't

**kanda_not_yuu**: tch

**thebookthief**: FINE HE'S JUST GONNA RUN HOME CRYIN

**thebookthief**: ALL CUZ OF YOU

**thebookthief**: i feel sorry for the little guy

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: i also feel sorry for my ----

**kanda_not_yuu**: i don't

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**thebookthief**: i feel sorry for yours~

**thebookthief**: don'tcha want some?

**kanda_not_yuu**: shut up

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (7:29 PM)

&

[Saturday]

**NightWalker is available**(10:35 AM)

**thebookthief:**hey bb, what's crackin'?

**NightWalker:**wrong window, lavi…

**thebookthief:**oh haha oopsy~

**NightWalker:**no you're not.

**thebookthief:**not what.

**NightWalker:**you _are_ insufferable.

**thebookthief:**stop taking kanda's words out of his mouth. needin help with anything?

**thebookthief:**_but all you do is take, but all you do is take~_

**NightWalker:***O* did you download her? *O*

**thebookthief:**lily allen? Yeah, i noticed her a long time ago, but since your little upstart yesterday, I got a hankerin for some o her.

**NightWalker:***n*

**thebookthief: ***n*? don't be such a spoilsport.

**NightWalker:**it's just! _It's really not okay, it's really not okay~_

**NightWalker:**lavi?

**NightWalker:**lavi!

**thebookthief:**oh uh, I forget the words.

**NightWalker:**you're only fun when kanda's around.

**NightWalker:**_let's just stay, let's just stay, I wanna lie in bed all daaaay_

**thebookthief:**ARE YOU IMPLYING SOMETHING THERE

**NightWalker:**mmmaybeeee

**thebookthief:**allen, you need a girl.

**NightWalker:**um :EEEEE

**thebookthief:**ooo that's a new one. Really. Just sayin.

**NightWalker:**:E!!! I'm already

**thebookthief:**already what? WUT. DON'T TELL ME :D?

**NightWalker:**no, well, i dunno. *n*

**thebookthief:**better hurry and get the girl, alby. Btw, I love your new sn. Didja get it just to piss kanda off?

**thebookthief:**in that case, HUGE STAMP OF LAVISCIOUS APPROVAL.

**thebookthief:**REALLY. SWEARS. Hey, didjoo cut out?

**NightWalker:**no, I'm still here.

**NightWalker:**it's just

**NightWalker:**first of all, I am in no uncertain terms ALBY. T_T that's absolutely dreadful. Alby.

**thebookthief:**let me interrupt ya. Alby the ALBINO. You deserve it after all.

**NightWalker:**MY hair. *n* it was an accident.

**thebookthief:**no no, mon bon ami. _Accident_ would be you falling into a vat of bleach solution. Not voluntarily doing it to yourself.

**NightWalker:**does it really look that bad?

**thebookthief:**well, considering I didn't say anything YESTERDAY when I shoulda… it's not THAT bad.

**NightWalker:**indeed.

**thebookthief**: compared to what lenalee had tried to do to kanda's prized possession in the days of yore.

**NightWalker**: what?

**thebookthief**: :3

**NightWalker**: _

**NightWalker**: I shouldn't ask. Anyhow. _Secondly_,

**thebookthief**: ALSO I think 'in no uncertain terms' would be a positive thing, said like that. Which would mean you ARE indeed_alby_.

**NightWalker:**I – lavi, surely you are wrong.

**thebookthief:**don't test me, little grasshopper, today is not a good day to get on my smart side.

**NightWalker**: _secondly_… whatever do you mean?

**thebookthief**: errrr

**thebookthief**: kanda put up a fight last night. He just won't give _in_.

**NightWalker**: I will refrain from calling you Gaylord. Oh, won't you look at that~

**thebookthief**: …I've taught you well, little grasshopper.

**NightWalker**: stop that!

**thebookthief**: well, yeah, truth be told, kanda is being a sourpuss. Without the puss, of course.

**NightWalker**: um

**thebookthief**: I AM SO DEPRIVED.

**NightWalker**: this is really none of my business, friend or foe. And kanda is definitely none of my business. We matched up in phys ed again today, and he totally smashed me!

**thebookthief**: ehhh?

**NightWalker**: he's a wicked brute! What's that word?

**thebookthief**: bastard?

**NightWalker**: no! I read it in a book recently. Actually, lenalee did, and then she passed the information onto me. She said it would be very helpful, according to her therapist. But in my opinion, I think her therapist is a – lurgy! Ah, I remembered. The name is perfect. Now where did she get it? I can't remember.

**thebookthief**: while you… go on about that, I'mma have me some jammy dodgers.

**NightWalker**: hey! oy? Lavi, you're a thug. Totally and completely.

**thebookthief**: y sank u.

**NightWalker**: ihu T_T

**thebookthief**: but I lo-o-ove _you_.

**NightWalker**: ilu2

**thebookthief**: better. i'm the one hooking you up with lenalee.

**thebookthief**: you there?

**NightWalker**: hardly. i'm having some jammy dodgers yummyyy

**thebookthief**: heyyy what a coincidenceeee

**NightWalker**: lavi, i got some out when you mentioned them.

**thebookthief**: don't spoil your dinner.

**NightWalker**: _numnummies. glop glop jammy jammies!_

**thebookthief**: … or mine. hey, any ideas?

**NightWalker**: for?

**thebookthief**: cough.

**NightWalker**: there is NO way, in NO uncertain terms, that I will help you, uh, have kanda. kanda can die is what I say!

**NightWalker**: oh all right, maybe not _die_, per se…

**NightWalker**: and don't say two negatives make a positive!

**thebookthief**: oho?

**NightWalker**: or that two wrongs make a right. You were thinking that, weren't you?

**thebookthief**: I wonder.

**thebookthief**: I have some advice for you, if ya wanna take it.

**NightWalker**: _please_ don't.

**thebookthief**: LENALEE likes it when you poke her joints. Believe you me, she gets all… weak-kneed. LIKE A JELLO SHOT.

**NightWalker**: *n*

**thebookthief**: don't ask me how I know this. Just abide by this one rule.

**NightWalker**: are you somehow expecting repayment for this advice?

**NightWalker**: because I'm saying that I'm against the whole…

**thebookthief**: gay scene? Allen, are you comin' onto me.

**NightWalker**: well! You said jello shot. I just thought I'd act like it.

**thebookthief**: ilu so much, btw. Just so you know this, going into the crappy annals of life known as high school tomorrow.

**NightWalker**: but lavi, we don't call it that.

**NightWalker**: and don't think you're getting any advice out of me. I still hate kanda. you know what that lurgy did earlier?

**thebookthief**: actually, allen, that's a nice story n all, but I gotta go bb go~

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(12:35 PM)

**thebookthief**: MY KNIGHT IN SHINING – darkness

**thebookthief**: howsit going, babycakes?

**kanda_not_yuu**: the next time you call me that in public, you will never forget my fist in your face.

**thebookthief**: w-what are ya talking abooout

**kanda_not_yuu**: _that horrendous 'b' word?_

**thebookthief**: it's cute, c'mon, get with it

**kanda_not_yuu**: you. call lena that.

**thebookthief**: but

**kanda_not_yuu**: tch.

**thebookthief**: I am thinking that this may be my last day on earth as I know it, so please PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline**(12:41 PM)

**tikiroomMaster is available**(4:50 PM)

**thebookthief**: oh master~

**tikiroomMaster**: oh hello, youth of today~

**thebookthief**: I need help

**tikiroomMaster**: amidst the time you spend weaving that web of yours?

**thebookthief**: that's the thing. I'VE FUCKED UP.

**tikiroomMaster**: now, as your teacher, you should not be using such foul language in my presence.

**thebookthief**: :/

**tikiroomMaster**: but as I am hardly your teacher, I shall let it pass. What's wrong, dear boy? Cat got your tongue?

**thebookthief**: i-in a way. HOW DID YOU KNOW.

**tikiroomMaster**: why, I am the Mikk. I know the darkest dealings of your very soul. Plus I am currently sipping away at my bottle of wine. Dear Mr Marian shall be visiting in a few.

**thebookthief**: that's the thing. I need help with, er, gay stuff.

**tikiroomMaster**: lavi, I may be a master, but I am not – wait a moment.

**thebookthief**: I'm … waiting? Look, man to man, kanda's giving me the evil eye.

**tikiroomMaster**: elaborate please~

**thebookthief**: just do not give him one of your lazy eyes in the corridor or anything?

**tikiroomMaster**: hm. Do you beg of me?

**thebookthief**: anything. Just don't let him know. He has stigma or something, toward this sorta thing.

**tikiroomMaster**: but?

**thebookthief**: it's just, recently I noticed he's bein SOMEWHAT ornery and I'm just left horny all over the place.

**tikiroomMaster**: is this over that sweater incident?

**thebookthief**: h-how didjoo…

**tikiroomMaster**: oh, dear dear boy.

**tikiroomMaster**: …I noticed when he wore the sweater in the corridor. He needs a better fashion sense.

**thebookthief**: take him to market, then. Just PLEASE HELP ME O MASTER HOW ART THOU.

**tikiroomMaster**: do you think I should take him to harrods?

**thebookthief**: D: mr mikk, you're killin me.

**tikiroomMaster**: all in good time, my dear boy. Oohh~ my guest has arrived.

**thebookthief**: LOG OFF

**thebookthief**: LOG OFF

**thebookthief**: LOG OFF

**thebookthief**: LOG OFF

**tikiroomMaster**: hello there, lavi bookman.

**thebookthief**: sigh. hello, mr marian

**tikiroomMaster**: nah uh uh.

**thebookthief**: _halo, mr sonuva_

**thebookthief**:_gun._

**tikiroomMaster**: good boy.

**thebookthief**: didja read everything already?

**tikiroomMaster**: every last word. It's quite a tale you spin. You should write a book.

**thebookthief**: har har.

**tikiroomMaster**: now, no need to hate me so clearly, lavi. What's this about troubled gay men?

**thebookthief**: none of your bsns.

**tikiroomMaster**: oh? But I think it is, seeing as how I've stumbled upon your wreck of a relationship. I wouldn't even call it that._Fail_.

**thebookthief**: f-fail. HEY.

**tikiroomMaster**: dear boy, this is your tiki again. Listen to my sound, sound advice: really push the envelope.

**thebookthief**: I – wut.

**tikiroomMaster**: Don't mind my drinking buddy here. He is a bit loopy already; I promise to see him to an AA program. As for you, don't pay mind to Mr Kanda's… sordidity.

**thebookthief**: ffff fyi, he can be really dirty. Dirtier than a whore on valentine's day. Tell your fantabulous drinking buddy that.

**tikiroomMaster**: er, will do. But as for you, offend him. offend him so much he'll be so wide open, ready to score a – million baseballs. Think ballpark, eh?

**thebookthief**: … mr marian, I can tell it's you.

**tikiroomMaster**: my WHAT GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP. All rightyyyy~ off you go, off I go~

**thebookthief**: … _lurgy_

**tikiroomMaster is offline**(5:17 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(6:13 PM)

**thebookthief**: er

**kanda_not_yuu**: I will leave.

**thebookthief**: wut. think I'm gonna just start on ya?

**kanda_not_yuu**: … … aren't you?

**thebookthief**: maybe I'm highly irregular / hur hurrr

**kanda_not_yuu**: you've reached your all time low.

**thebookthief**: but in all srsness, I miss you.

**kanda_not_yuu**: lavi, I saw you yesterday.

**thebookthief**: that's not what

**thebookthief**: nvm.

**thebookthief**: kanda?

**kanda_not_yuu**: okay, what do you want.

**thebookthief**: JUST YOUR LOVE IS ALL

**kanda_not_yuu**: there is no love. Go away.

**thebookthief**: there was plenty of love last night. Kinda. Sorta.

**kanda_not_yuu**: do _not_ bring that up, again, for the last time, in _chat_.

**thebookthief**: *n*

**kanda_not_yuu**: do not offend me with that allen bullshit either. _Enough of him._

**thebookthief**: … :D

**thebookthief**: that's my yuu.

**thebookthief**: … chan.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline **(6:25 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(6:30 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: say it again.

**thebookthief**: *n*!

**kanda_not_yuu**: lavi.

**thebookthief**: I know. But still! I want you. you're so far away.

**kanda_not_yuu**: how the fuck –

**thebookthief**: still. I meant it the other way. I didn't even get to finish your sweater.

**kanda_not_yuu**: no, I fixed it this morning. Your talents are a waste.

**thebookthief**: :D?

**kanda_not_yuu**: _waste_.

**thebookthief**: but Ilu. Like. SRS. LIKE A UH BALLPARK.

**kanda_not_yuu**: you don't play, what is it, _baseball_?

**thebookthief**: I could start.

**thebookthief**: yuu?

**kanda_not_yuu**: what is this about now.

**thebookthief**: eh?

**kanda_not_yuu**: your bs. If you're comparing baseball to _balls_, I am officially going to cut. You. down.

**thebookthief**: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT. I'M SO NONPLUSSED.

**kanda_not_yuu**: considering the 'companions' you talk to…

**thebookthief**: yuu. you amaze me.

**kanda_not_yuu**: while I am still unamazed by your banter.

**thebookthief**: OKAY I'M COMING OVER RIGHT NOW OKAY YOU DON'T EVEN HAFTA PICK ME UP.

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(11:59 PM)

**thebookthief**: :3

**kanda_not_yuu**: idiot. I thought you were coming over. _Hours ago._

**thebookthief**: uh, no, when did I say that?

**kanda_not_yuu**: when you said it.

**thebookthief**: I guess I forgot.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: well, I had a feelin you aren't so into the gay scene, so I decided to let you off easy.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: admit it, your penis is tired of my penis.

**kanda_not_yuu**: BULLSHIT.

**kanda_not_yuu**: if you start this fight, you better know how to end it.

**thebookthief**: don't _you_ want to end it~ get it? _end it_~

**kanda_not_yuu**: yes. In fact, like so:

**kanda_not_yuu is offline**(12:08 AM)

&

[Sunday]

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(5:10 AM)

**thebookthief**: OTL

**kanda_not_yuu**: what the hell is that. If you're calling me 'one true loser' again…

**thebookthief**: one true _lurgy_~

**kanda_not_yuu**: .............

**thebookthief**: kidding~

**kanda_not_yuu**: why are you up?

**thebookthief**: untired. You?

**kanda_not_yuu**: what does that mean?

**thebookthief**: do you really wanna know?

**kanda_not_yuu**: I _am_ asking.

**thebookthief**: oho~ OHO WELL

**kanda_not_yuu**: …

**thebookthief**: hinty hint: OTL ? :D

**kanda_not_yuu**: is this something i should look at from…

**kanda_not_yuu**: _lavi_.

**thebookthief**: :3

**kanda_not_yuu**: go fuck yourself.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline**(5:20 AM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(9:00 AM)

**thebookthief**: as I was saying, have some compassion for your fellow _man_, kanda~

**kanda_not_yuu is offline **(9:02 AM)

**NightWalker is available**(12:31 PM)

**thebookthief**: hey bro~

**NightWalker**: lavi, it is far too early for this.

**thebookthief**: allen, I have not slept for 48 hours. It is never too early.

**NightWalker**: what are you… no, what I mean to say is, why are you letting kanda control you this way?

**NightWalker**: this _must_ be unhealthy. I'll ask lenalee to ask her therapist for you.

**thebookthief**: you don't get it, do you? the pure GENIUS of my geniosity.

**NightWalker**: lavi, when you start making up words like that

**thebookthief**: :EEE don't knock it, man

**NightWalker**: and you keep thieving my emoticons

**thebookthief**: cuz I can. I see no copyright.

**NightWalker**: well! I take precious time in… thinking up these things. ~(;o;)~

**thebookthief**: coughgoobercough

**NightWalker**: don't you dare spread that around. In fact, i'm sick of these rumors always floating around behind my back. The other day, somebody started a rumor about my bumping uglies with –

**thebookthief**: ohohohoho

**NightWalker:***n* with kanda. *screams* whyyyyy

**NightWalker**: is he everywheeeere?

**thebookthief**: maybe you luuurve him.

**NightWalker:**… lavi. was it _you_ who started the rumor?

**thebookthief**: you mean the very tasteful one about the locker rooms and track practice?

**NightWalker**: i

**NightWalker**: will never forgive you. did you really start it?

**NightWalker**: nvm! I don't want to know!

**thebookthief**: you shall survive, little grasshopper.

**NightWalker**: I shouldn't take such abuse.

**thebookthief**: i'll say. kanda still won't give in. i'm two seconds away from spamming the web with my genius plan to get into his pants. that way, he'd be really offended, and wouldn't have a choice.

**NightWalker**: lavi? You have done… nvm. I just want to say? you're batshit insane. *n*!

**thebookthief**: i – don't follow. Insane in what sense?

**NightWalker**: i'm not saying that you're insane for trying to be with

**NightWalker**: with _him_. … uuuughhhh

**NightWalker**: but I want you to get some sleep, so, I would like to offer you… some solicited advice: call him, apologize, and agree to remain friends. something sweet like that. *u* everybody wins!

**thebookthief**: you're such a dreamer, allen.

**thebookthief**: I've already called him and left him three messages. By this time, I probably sound sheerly desperate and I _know_he's thinking up some nasty things to leave on my door.

**NightWalker**: kanda wouldn't be that obvious.

**thebookthief**: it seems like you know him more than you let on, dear alby.

**NightWalker**: okay I'm going nooow

**thebookthief**: NO DON'T GO I TAKE IT BACK YOU'RE NOT DEAR

**thebookthief**: YOU'RE _DEAREST_ ALBY

**NightWalker**: that's it. I'm dyeing my hair as soon as possible!

**thebookthief**: awww, dun do _that_

**NightWalker**: wanna come over to help? *u*

**thebookthief**: got yourself a date there, grasshopper. Give me a few~

**NightWalker is available**(4:22 PM)

**thebookthief**: hiya my dark and brooding stranger

**NightWalker**: *sigh*

**thebookthief**: wut. I thought you liked the color? YOU SAID YOU LIKED THE COLOR. YOU WERE ECSTATIC EVEN. YOU EVEN SNAPPED YOUR SUSPENDERS. YOU EVEN DANCED A STREET POLE WITH ME.

**NightWalker**: that's not it.

**thebookthief**: then, uh, pray tell, man

**NightWalker:**tummyache.

**thebookthief**: aahhhh you're so cute for eatin all the pigs in blanket …. s?

**thebookthief**: anyway, you're the cutest thing I ever did grope

**NightWalker**: I should tell kanda, I should.

**thebookthief**: but you're under obligation to please me~

**NightWalker**: that should be illegal.

**thebookthief**: I'd like to see that happen.

**NightWalker**: I can see where you two go wrong…

**thebookthief**: below the belt, there, walker.

**NightWalker**: I mean, like we talked before, you shouldn't manipulate kanda like that. It's not very nice.

**thebookthief**: lolol and?

**NightWalker**: and… *n* I wish I could be as mean as you. but I've forgotten how. I'm so out of sync.

**thebookthief**: I'll teach ya. Just be a good boy and go along with it.

**NightWalker**: *n* of course.

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(4:40 PM)

**thebookthief**: dare I trot in?

**kanda_not_yuu**: dare lose an arm?

**thebookthief**: now how would that even happen? I'm way the hell over here. You'd have a stretch to go, my friend.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: lover?

**kanda_not_yuu**: why is that albino kid talking to me?

**thebookthief**: you mean allen? Oho, he's not albino anymore. He's graduated to dark and brooding stranger~ which reminds me, he's got some tush on him.

**kanda_not_yuu**: pardon?

**thebookthief**: GASP. You mean YOU NEVER NOTICED???

**kanda_not_yuu**: pardon. As if I'd notice his scrawny ass.

**thebookthief**: he's gained so much weight this past semester. He's grown his own bubble butt. 333

**kanda_not_yuu**: and this concerns me because…?

**thebookthief**: you should know, you've touched it.

**thebookthief**: yuu?

**thebookthief**: c'mon noooowww

**kanda_not_yuu**: in no way is that _funny_.

**thebookthief**: but it is

**kanda_not_yuu**: no. it isn't.

**thebookthief**: IS TOO.

**thebookthief**: yuu.

**thebookthief**: yuu.

**thebookthief**: kanda?

**kanda_not_yuu**: So?

**thebookthief**: AAAHHH YOU ADMIT IT HA

**kanda_not_yuu**: bloody hell, I admit nothing. It was a mere accident that can be defined by probability of vicinity.

**thebookthief**: you hold out on me, yuu.

**kanda_not_yuu**: it was an ac. ci. dent.

**thebookthief**: use _dente_ and you'd sound Italian. _Kinky_.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I have no time for this.

**thebookthief**: :D?

**kanda_not_yuu**: why is that _unwanted_ _stranger_ pinging at me.

**thebookthief**: whoever knows. Allen has been rather needy as of late. Today he let me feel up his tush. Really now, if that's not desperate, idk what is.

**kanda_not_yuu**: pardon??

**thebookthief**: aw, let me educate yuu. people do weird things in the name of love~ _in the naaaaame of love_~ like flocking to dark and brooding strangers… getting hair dye on their whitest undies – I mean, trouser shorts. Oh, imagine the mess.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ….

**thebookthief**: I must confess, I was quite tempted, mhm, rubbing that crown with black dye. You should see him, he reminds me of mr mack-on-me-mikk. His teachers are gonna have a field day with him~ oh, not to mention the closet probs. They're gonna come out and steal allen away to the hay fields, if ya get my drift.

**kanda_not_yuu**: lavi.

**kanda_not_yuu**: allen says you gave him a stomachache. Tch. Might I ask why?

**thebookthief**: _allen_. Yuu?

**kanda_not_yuu**: _walker_. You didn't feed him…anything. earlier.

**thebookthief**: :3

**kanda_not_yuu**: did you?

**thebookthief**: depends on what you mean by that.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ……

**kanda_not_yuu is offline**(5:09 PM)

**NightWalker**: *sigh* he's gone off again.

**thebookthief**: remind me to kiss ya tomorrow.

**NightWalker**: *sigh* go be full of love with _him_. let's talk later!

**NightWalker is offline**(5:15 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(7:50 PM)

**thebookthief**: all right. Hands down. You're the best sex I ever had.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ………………………

**kanda_not_yuu**: let's get one thing straight: I'm the _only_ sex you've ever had. And will have. Now stfu.

**thebookthief**: don't worry, allen isn't visiting.

**kanda_not_yuu**: that has nothing to do with this.

**thebookthief**: pls be to doing more surprise visits in future. I don't think I'll be able to sit for a week.

**kanda_not_yuu**: let's get another thing straight: you said you wanted me. Tch. I fucking hate you. lead me on like that again and I will cut your dick off. No mercies granted.

**thebookthief**: ay ay capitan!

**kanda_not_yuu**: and you will not touch allen again.

**thebookthief**: ay ay, no evil grasshopper, got it!

**kanda_not_yuu**: seriously, lavi.

**thebookthief**: as honest as the queen here. I will never touch allen's wee-wee ever again. But ya know, I never did. so i'm pretty much guilt-free~

**kanda_not_yuu**: right. _Goodnight_.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline **(8:00 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu is available**(8:01 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: - wat.

**thebookthief**: :3 I LOVE YUUUUU.

**kanda_not_yuu**: TCH.

**thebookthief**: and your sword. _lalala you're supposed to care, and i think you're really mean~_

**thebookthief**: kanda?

**thebookthief**: hey…

**kanda_not_yuu**: every fiber, lavi.

**thebookthief**: ....

**kanda_not_yuu**: wat now.

**thebookthief**: r-really? like. you mean…?

**kanda_not_yuu**: just live with it, you epic, epic idiot.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline**(8:08 PM)


End file.
